It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
