well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
