Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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