ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
