can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
