We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
