I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
