He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
