Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
