Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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