You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
are you so shy because you have an std?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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