apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
