Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
