mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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