Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
