Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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