Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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