dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
