You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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