Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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