I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
