Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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