I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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