sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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