he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
