i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
