Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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