If that was your dad, he is hot
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
