after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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