I wish my penis had an off switch
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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