A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
