I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
