i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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