then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
