Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
