When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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