How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
