before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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