Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
