so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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