is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
