Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
