I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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