She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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