First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
