I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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