dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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