I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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