Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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