we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
