508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
operation harelip BJ is a go
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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