apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
