The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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