Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
