Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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