I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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