Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
