If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
