i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my shit smells like andre
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
