she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
