# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
