please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize