i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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