i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
