I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
