Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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