i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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