Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
